Left Behind
by Gwenhwyfar1984
Summary: Janeway and Chakotay have some unfinished business to discuss. Episode edition to Threshold.


Title: Left Behind

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Um…none really. But I guess that there are hints of Paris/Janeway in the episode canon.

Episode: Threshold

Warnings: Nothing bad.

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager is the property of Paramount and other companies. I am in no way connected to these companies and I gain no profit from this fanfiction.

A/N: I know that Threshold is one of the most infamous Star Trek episodes. I know that it is generally hated. But I actually enjoyed it a little…except for this one aspect. So, while this has probably already been done before, this is my episode edition.

* * *

Janeway set down her PADD with more force than was necessary and rubbed her forehead. It had been three days since she had been declared fully modern human and able to go back on "light" duty. Now she was trying to catch up on everything that she had missed. She knew that Chakotay had tried his hardest to do the Captain's job temporarily, but it had not been enough, and it wasn't how she would have done things.

Feeling a flash of anger at the thought of Chakotay, she took a sip of her now cold coffee to calm down. Looking over at the wall of replicators, she contemplated getting another cup, but decided against it. It was already 0300 and she should be getting to her quarters to sleep.

The doors to the Mess Hall slid open and Janeway looked towards them in surprise. The room had been empty for two hours and she had grown used to it.

Seeing Chakotay walk in, she began to gather up her reports and stood up. Chakotay immediately walked over to her.

"The Doctor would be upset if he saw you up this late." He said with a good natured grin.

Janeway shot him a glare and cleared her throat. "Then it is a good thing that I was just leaving."

She didn't miss the look of hurt that quickly passed over his features. She felt a momentary stab of guilt but quickly suppressed it. After all, she was the injured person.

"Captain, have I done something to upset you?" Janeway stared at him. Was he serious? Did he really not understand what he did? "If I have, then I apologize."

His calm, quiet voice and the apology broke the pent up anger that she had been keeping restrained. She picked up her empty cup and began to walk away. "Sometimes apologizing is not enough."

"Captain…please. Tell me what I did!"

She spun around angrily. "You left them behind!"

"What? Left who?" He seemed genuinely confused. That made her angrier. He had already forgotten.

"Who? My children, Chakotay. You left my children behind."

"Oh. That." He sat down heavily. "I didn't think that it would bother you."

Didn't think that it would bother her? He truly thought that? "I made a Command decision—"

"You should have consulted me first!"

"Consulted you? With all due respect, Captain, you were a salamander. Not even the Universal Translator could overcome the communication barrier. I had to make a choice and I—"

"Then you should have waited until the Doctor had returned me to normal." She countered and Chakotay leaned forward.

"And then what? What choice would you have made? Bring them on the ship? Have the doctor change them into modern humans?"

"I—"

"And after that, what? You and Paris raise them? A happy little family?" There was something in the way that he said that that made her pause.

"I—" She tried to interrupt again, but apparently Chakotay was not thinking about protocol or propriety. He was all about making a point.

"And what if the Doctor couldn't change them? We turn one of the cargo bays into a nice little swamp for them?"

"No—"

"Do you think that I didn't consider all the possibilities, Captain? Do you really think that I of all people just made a rash decision about leaving three babies alone on that planet? You know how important family is to me and my people!"

Janeway sat down, the anger lessened. "That's just it, Chakotay. That's what I keep thinking about. They are helpless. Newborns. I'm not there to protect them."

Chakotay nodded. "I understand that."

She looked at him, hating that she was revealing so much, but also needing to. "Can you? Really? Because I don't even completely understand."

Chakotay sat back in his seat and nodded for her to continue.

"I…was—am—so angry. I am angry that my children are alone, unprotected. Probably already dead." She broke off and waited for the stab of pain in her chest to go away. It lessened but didn't completely leave. She wondered if it ever would. "But then I keep thinking that they are mine, and at the same time not mine. But, the person I am now now…the not hyper evolved me…didn't really choose to have them. I certainly didn't choose Paris to be the father! I barely remember them. Just vague, dreamlike images. It's more feelings than anything else." She paused. "Powerful feelings."

"I saw them with my own eyes. I scanned them. They are yours. I can understand the feelings too. The bond between a parent and child is extremely strong." He took a deep breath. "But I still stand by my decision." Chakotay looked at her. "However, since you are back in command, we can go back for them."

Janeway turned and looked out at the passing stars. They could go back. A small part of her wanted to. She turned back to him. "No. We cannot go back. We have to go forward."

He gave her a long, level look and she knew what he was asking. Could she forgive him? Could they move past this and return to working civilly together?

Janeway looked down at the table. He was right, of course. Everything he had said was logical. She could never have brought them onto the ship. Besides the fact that it was unknown if they could have been turned into modern humans, there was the fact that she was in no position to be a mother. She was the captain. She had to focus all of her attention on that.

But all the logic in the world didn't change her instinctual emotions.

After a few moments she looked up at Chakotay and nodded. After this she would push everything down and try to return to normal. She worked with Chakotay the closest, and she could not afford to continue the strain. Besides, she valued her friendship with him too much.

So she said a silent, heartfelt, final goodbye to her three children, and vowed to return to her normal life.


End file.
